24 Weeks!

So today is a bit of a landmark day.  I am officially 24 weeks pregnant, which is the age of viability (i.e. baby actually has a chance of surviving outside the womb if I delivered today).  So now I share the responsibility of keeping baby alive with medical science, which is a bit of a relief!  (Not, obviously, that I want to go into labor anytime soon!)

The whole pregnancy thing is starting to feel more real - and surreal at the same time, if that makes any sense.  Most of my pants no longer fit, and according to my husband, I now look pregnant and not like I've just eaten a big lunch!  (The pic above is from a couple weeks ago, but you get the idea).  Baby is moving and kicking more consistently now, and I now feel him/her occasionally when I am up and about.  But I can count on our nighttime bonding sessions now; as soon as I lie down in bed, s/he starts kicking in earnest, like "Hey, Mom!  What are you doing?  Get up and rock me around some more!"  This is endearing for now, perhaps it won't be so much 5 months from now when I am trying to get her to go to sleep!  At the moment, though, I enjoy this special time with this person who is already so important in our lives.  I can't wait to meet him/her!

A note on pronouns:  I have no idea if we are having a boy or a girl.  I really have no preference, and I think it will be a really special surprise when we meet our little one.   BUT for whatever reason, I just have a gut feeling that it's a girl - so sometimes I slip and say "she."  We'll find out in T-16 weeks!

Not much DM talk today.  Now that the first round of infusions are over, I am hoping to be feeling back to normal soon - so in the meantime I am focusing on happier things! :)  OB was very reassuring at my last appointment, she said the kind of low-grade symptoms I've been having are much harder on me than the baby, and that everything is measuring and looking normal.  So that helped put my mind at ease a bit, and I'm now just trying to relax and enjoy the pregnancy.

IVIG Day 2

Went in for IVIg yesterday and today.  I got the usual, full doses, no surprises, so that was good.  They went as well as they can go - no weird reactions or anything like that.  Unfortunately, they just make me feel so crummy!  Especially now that I can no longer take naproxen for headaches (because of the pregnancy), so my head feels like it's been overstuffed with steel wool - foggy and scratchy and tremendous pressure, especially behind my eyes.  Also, they've doubled both my Benadryl dose as well as my IV steroids beforehand - which gives me the amazingly uncomfortable sensation of not being able to keep my eyes open but also not being able to lie still.  So it's a very disturbed sleep, even though I do sleep most of the time I am there.  Now I am exhausted and feel like crap, but not able to find a comfortable position to rest.  This has left me incredibly restless and cranky.  (This might not be my most eloquent entry either, as I'm pretty sure I'm still not thinking clearly).  I'm hoping blogging about it will get it off my chest.

I know in the grand scheme of things that these infusions are not that big a deal.  I'm so fortunate that they help me as much as they do, and that they are safe for kiddo (unlike most other options for autoimmune diseases).  I'm also very fortunate that, unlike the grueling chemotherapy regimens I've seen people go through, they don't make me violently ill for days during and after.  I'm sure lots of people would trade me this ickiness I feel for what they go through in a heartbeat!  The staff at the treatment centre couldn't be nicer to me.  So really, it's not like I'm being tortured for the time that I am there!

But I hate having to go into the hospital and be treated like a sick person for two days.  I hate, hate, HATE having to miss two days of my workweek (and my regular life) to be there.  I worked so hard at the beginning of the week to try to compensate, but you just can't make up for missing two days in three days of work.  I had to rush through a couple of projects and I know I didn't do as good or thorough of a job as I normally would, but I had deadlines to meet.  Now my head is pounding, my eyes are watering, and my body aches, but I am trying to get a major presentation on my thesis results ready for Wednesday.  Needless to say, it is not going well.  But we're going away this weekend and I really don't have any other time to do it, short of leaving it until Tuesday and stressing about it all weekend.  And I know I've already complained about this, but I missed my opportunity to present at my final MSc seminar today, which is frustrating both for now and later.  Why, why, WHY does this keep on happening, over and over again, no matter what I eat, how well I try to take care of my body, how much I pray or meditate or barter?  I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!!

Ok, please forgive me for my selfish rant.  I know the whole "it's not fair" thing is pretty much the most maladjusted way of thinking a person can have.  Life isn't fair, everyone knows that.  And lots of people have it a lot worse than me.  I am just tired and frustrated and fed up... and did I mention tired?  Hopefully a good nights' sleep will leave me feeling much brighter and more like my normal self in the morning.

Now back to this damn presentation...